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| Motherfuckin Woody Allen on bass |
"Short, fast and loud" is the cliched description of hardcore/punk. With good reason. Virtually every Misfits song is 1:20. I remember an ancient review of Operation Ivy's "Energy" on CDuniverse.com that described each song as "two minutes of perfection." Minor Threat, Agnostic Front, SSD....short short short. And for good reason. Could you imagine a classic like "Filler" stretched beyond two minutes? How about a
five minute Misfits song? Ugh.
When it comes to 80s punk bands, there are a relative handful of long songs, and I think the Dead Kennedys wrote a good chunk of them, ranging from truly masterful songs that pass the five minute mark without losing the intensity of their shorter songs, to songs that are the aural equivalent of playing a board game with a little kid -- it takes forever and there's a good chance you won't finish it. But for the most part, DK really nailed the long punk song thing. Here I will rank these "epic" DK songs, and by epic, I mean the original meaning: LONG! I'm talking pushing 5+ minutes. There are long-ish DK songs like Holiday in Cambodia, We've Got a Bigger Problem Now etc that I am not including here, although they certainly are epic in other ways. There a few other DK songs of this length, such as "Cesspools in Eden," and half the songs on "Frankenchrist," but I am limiting it to five here. Which would make your top 5? Let me know in the comments below.
5 - Chickenshit Conformist (Bedtime for Democracy, 1986)
Hardcore formulas are dogshit
Change and caring are what's real
Is this a state of mind, or just another label?
Leading off the top 5 is one of the more famous Dead Kennedys songs, considered a favorite by many. Honestly, I rarely listen to this song (or album, for that matter) but it deserves a spot in the top 5 simply for the lyrics, which are a not-so-subtle stab at what punk rock had become by 1986. This song is in the same category as Operation Ivy's "Take Warning," in that both songs warned us of problems in the scene, but the scene didn't listen and the lessons remain unlearned almost 30 years later. "Bedtime for Democracy" is a mediocre record by DK standards, and the production is sterile and unexciting which makes even the good songs suffer.
It makes me laugh all these years later that many of the bands Jello is singing about have become some of my favorite bands: "When the thugs form bands look who gets record deals/From New York metal labels looking to scam/Who sign the most racist queer-bashing bands they can find/To make a buck revving kids up for war." It doesn't take a genius to figure out that this is a stab at bands like Cro-Mags and Agnostic Front, and their labels Profile, Combat, etc. Ultimately this song has earned its place in punk history, but Jello & Co. could have saved themselves some time and stopped after the opening lyrics, which basically sum up the point of the song in just a few lines. For this reason I find myself enjoying this 30-second semi-cover more than the original song:
Punk's not dead it just deserves to die
When it becomes another stale cartoon
A close-minded, self-centered social club
Ideas don't matter, it's who you know
4. Stars & Stripes of Corruption (Frankenchrist, 1985)
Finally got to Washington in the middle of the night
I couldn't wait, I headed straight for the Capitol Mall
My heart began to pound
Yahoo! It really exists
The American International Pictures logo
By their third album, Jello's lyrical tendencies began to trade subtlety and suggestion for a more direct approach. In this sense, this song is similar to Chickenshit Conformist, in that it has a lot of great lines, but the point is driven home again and again over the course of 6 minutes (!!!). There is still plenty of sarcasm and satire to be found in lines such as the one I quoted above, and Jello describing how he feels like saying "Hello, old friend" to the Capitol Building, only to "piss on it when nobody is looking." The music is energetic and well-paced and this is a great way to close the album. But it is not the best song on Frankenchrist, as you will see later on in this post.
3. Pull My Strings (Live: March 25, 1980)
Is my cock big enough,
is my brain small enough,
for you to make me a star?
This live recording ranks up with Fear's performance on Saturday Night Life as a great moment in punk history where a punk band was given the opportunity to perform for a mainstream audience. Basically DK was asked to play at some awards show to lend the event some "new wave" credibility, and they begin playing their "hit" only to cut it short, pull their ties from around their necks to make dollar signs (see above), and perform this hilarious, biting mockery of what music execs had deemed "new wave," as well as the music industry in general. Its utter Fuck You-ness makes this one of the most important statements the Dead Kennedys would make, and it's a pretty damn good song to boot. It is a tragedy that there is no known video footage of this. The utterly subversive nature of this performance make this #3 on my list, even if members of the band would betray its message years later.
2. This Could Be Anywhere (Frankenchrist, 1985)
I linger late at night waiting for the bus
No amount of neon jazz could hide the oozing vibes of death
The best song on Frankenchrist, and arguably the last great DK song. Great opening guitar that sets the tone before staccato drum rolls set the pace, this song is nothing short of a masterpiece. The band sounds great, and the tempo is driving but slow enough to hit you repeatedly with moments of utter brilliance. The break around 2:45 will never stop blowing me away. Kids at school are taking sides, along color and uniform lines...
If the Dead Kennedys peaked on their second album, this song could be considered something of a second peak. The music is on point, with classic East Bay Ray guitarwork that is eerie and reverberous. Jello's lyrics are vivid and interesting, with lines like "empty plastic culture club suburbia's a warzone now" invoking imagery that makes this song more than just a song -- it is an experience. And it should be treated as such -- this is the sort of song where you put down your iPod, dig the vinyl out, crank up the stereo, and just let the music encompass you. This would rank #1 on my list, if not for one song that is not only one of DK's all-time bests, but is also tragically relevant right now.
1. Riot (Plastic Surgery Disasters, 1982)
But you get to the place where the real slave drivers live
It's walled off by the riot squad, aiming guns right at your head
So you turn right around, play right into their hands
And set your own neighborhood burning to the ground instead
Plastic Surgery Disasters. Is it the best punk album ever recorded? It may very well be. And it is a favorite of mine because I remember the first time I heard it as a 7th grader in his post-Rancid punk rock discovery period. I bought the CD and came home and Jello's vocals immediately made me go, "Ugh." But after a few listens I realized what incredible music this is. The songs are great. The lyrics are great (as I said earlier, Jello was at his lyrical peak here, with songs that were at once scathing and humorous, with just enough restraint to make the words really sting). The production is incredible early 80s punk production, with buzzsaw guitars threatening to slice the music down the middle. And no song hit me quite like "Riot."
This is in many ways the quintessential DK song. Loud parts and quiet parts, fast and slow, dissonant guitarwork, and a bassline that is the sonic equivalent of a bratty kid yelling "na-na-na-na-na-na!" But just as important are the lyrics, with Jello indicting the system as a whole -- taking aim not only at the authority and powers that be, but also at the average person who in many cases can be his own worst enemy, and become the victim of his own actions. Classic Dead Kennedys irony is in fine form here, with a chorus that proclaims rioting to be "the unbeatable high" and in the same breath denounces it as a short-term release with no meaningful long-term effects, and certainly not to those in power: "Tomorrow you're homeless, tonight it's a blast." The song ends with these lyrics repeating, sounding more and more uncertain as the music slows to an end. At the end of 7th grade, I would write these lyrics in a journal we had to keep for English class, and although I didn't quite grasp the true meaning of the song at the time, my teacher didn't have to tell me she wouldn't be surprised if I "turned out to be one of those Columbine kids," a mere month or two after Columbine took place. Guess what Mrs. Levine, I'm still here, and you are where?
Ten years after this song was recorded, Los Angeles would be set ablaze during the riots following the aquittal of the police who beat the shit out of Rodney King. 22 years later, we bear witness to a similar scenario, as people across the country react to the upsetting, if unsurprising, Ferguson grand jury decision. It is easy for us to condemn the rioters, but it is hard to put ourselves in their shoes. How can we expect peaceful protest when there is something is so clearly wrong with our institutions? And how do we expect protesters to remain peaceful when they are met with a militarized police force, tear gas, and automatic weapons? 32 years later, the lyrics of "Riot" ring true: "They club your head, kick your teeth/Police can riot all they please." And that makes me sad...but it makes for a timeless song.
Till next time...
